Hum and Chuck: Meet Dirk Hayhurst, Pitcher (not Porn Star)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Meet Dirk Hayhurst, Pitcher (not Porn Star)

Dirk Hayhurst has been called up. I know, Dirk Hayhurst is a Jay?

Anyway, he seems a bit of a philosopher and a writer. He questions things. He writes books. Books that contain stuff like this:

(Baseball books) are always all these feel-good guidance counselor posters. It's never so-and-so woke up at 5 a.m. to get on a bus for 12 hours that smelled like tobacco spit and urine and you can't lay on the floor, it's sticky, and guys are crawling all over each other because they don't want to step on the guy sleeping across two chairs. Nobody writes about that."

Ah, the aromic combination of tobacco spit and urine. I can't imagine why no one has written about that.

He's also wise: "I'd love to get back there, but if that doesn't happen, I'll keep trying my best until they tell me my best is not good enough. Then I'll go do my best at something else."

Big ups to Tony Ambrogio's Twitter and Las Vegas media in general.

7 comments:

Mattt said...: I looked at the links you provided-this dude is deep... really, I'm not being sarcastic. Let's see what he can do in Toronto.; June 3, 2009 2:32 PM
laughing_star said...: Dirk is an awesome guy and I was lucky enough to get to talk with him a couple of times when he was in Portland.

I'm glad that Las Vegas and Toronto are giving him some love. If you ever get the chance to talk to him, DO IT!

Congratulations Dirk!; June 4, 2009 1:48 PM
Darren Priest said...: Loving this guy's writing. I don't really have a favorite Jay now that Craig Grebeck is gone, but this guy is intriguing. I am pulling for him.; June 4, 2009 3:49 PM
Joanna said...: I remember how excited I was when I found out Scott Rolen reads, so imagine how happy I was when I found out this dude writes!; June 4, 2009 6:03 PM
furcifer said...: Need a nickname for the duo of wells and rios. Suggest one here:
http://anationofmasochists.blogspot.com/2009/06/brothers.html; June 4, 2009 10:15 PM
Haywood Jahblowmee said...: What the hell has Jeremy Accardo done to bury himself so deep that when the bullpen starts to fall apart this guy gets the call instead? Is he injured or did he bang JP wife?; June 5, 2009 3:40 PM
Joanna said...: He got injured while banging JPs wife, so he's gotta stay in Vegas. Apparently.

I have no clue. I guess he must be hurt.; June 5, 2009 11:18 PM

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A Glossary of Terms

"God-damnit!"- What VDub says when he pops up, the exclamation caught crisply and clearly by the sportsnet mic near the field. One of the sounds of summer
A-Dog- sometimes, when Aaron Hill is particulary slick or awesome in the field, he is called A-Dog, in reference to O-Dog.
Acorn- BJ Ryan calls Accardo 'Acorn'. Why? I don't know. But if BJ calls him that, so do I.
Big Boy Pants- When a player, particularly a pitcher, doesn't let a bad call or walks or stupid plays effect him, but instead acts like an adult and rises above them towards awesomeness.
disgusted- how AJ Burnett looks when he is pitching, probably due to his filthiness
Eeyore- Ted Lilly often seemed sad. Was soft-spoken and had sad eyes. Much like Pooh Bear's donkey friend.
Ex-Jays in the playoffs- a fun game to play at home to drowned out Tim McCarver's ramblings. Try to pick out all the Ex-Jays who are playing in the playoffs, make a team out of them and decide whether the Ex-Jay team could beat the Current Jays team. Note that the number of Ex-Jays in the playoffs always outnumbers the current Jays in the playoffs.
Gloved-F-Bomb- When a pitcher will yell obsceneties into their glove after giving up a homerun or even just a stressful inning. An alternative is the elbow f-bomb, in which the pitcher will swear into their arm.
Hatchling- a baby Jay.
Intentional walk followed by unintentional walk- an example of total futility and uselessness. One of my dad's fav humiliation plays
J-Effin' Mac- John McDonald is so unassuming and workman-like in his awesomeness, sometimes it is necessary to add an expletive to emphasize his awesomeness
Lexi- Alex Rios
Lil' Scottie Downs- for some reason, my father calls Scott Downs this.
Motivational F-Bomb- If you watch closely, after a pitching coach or catcher has gone to talk to a pitcher,sometimes the pitcher will pump himself up by saying "fuck" to no one in particular
Peaches- Dustin McGowan's mutton chops are kind of fuzzy and he is from Georgia.
Pink, Round, Efficient- How I described Litsch's first big league start. The kid is very pink and very round.
Prance off homerun- What ARod does when he hits a walk-off.
Roy Halladay Fan Club- I wrote a piece once about the man-love that seemed to flow from the staff to their ace. Each pitcher had his own little way of expressing his love, for instance, Chacin stole one of Roy's shirts because it "smelled like victory".
Show Pony- Alex Rodriguez, incorporated into the repetoire from Stephen King's Red Sox book. So called for the ostentatious way he runs (and fields, and hits...)
Smoke salmon pink- Roy Halladay turns pink with rage when he pitches.
Sparrow- Josh Towers because he is slight and excitable.
Talented Bonehead- my dad and I had several conversations about AJ Burnett. His blowups, his inability to use a changeup, why he did the things he did. And I said "Dad, what is his problem?" and my dad sagely said, "Well, he's what one calls a talented bonehead. Million dollar arm, 10 cent head."
The Shit List- where much of the team, other than the pitching staff, has resided in 2007
unneighbourly- Fletcher once described an AJ pitch by saying "Well, that is just downright unneighbourly".

The moment I actually started liking Keith Law.

Jason (Denver): Even though you seem to be a Rockies hater, what do you think about Greg Reynolds?

Keith Law: (2:13 PM ET ) Jason, you must be new here. I hate EVERYBODY. I hate all 30 teams. I hate their GMs, managers, and clubhouse boys. I hate all prospects, I hate both sides of every trade ever made, I hate any contract signed for over the minimum. I hate fans of all thirty teams. And most of all, I hate YOU. Greg Reynolds is a 4th starter in the big leagues, but that's based on what I saw of him as an amateur and I'd like to see him healthy as a pro.