Hum and Chuck: Suck It Dry

Monday, June 1, 2009

Suck It Dry

Well, like I've said before, I don't visit SOSH when the Jays lose because idiocy, entitlement and casual racism should never be be mixed with smugness.

But my goodness, that was a boring game. Crash is right, strikeouts are fascist. Fascist and like watching paint dry.

I've long suspected that the Red Sox, with their long at bats and their ugliness, were a dull team to watch. And I was right. And as I suspected. Does Lester blow these umps kisses or something?

And Brian Wolfe? What the hell was that?

Sean McAdam at the Boston Globe : In beating the Toronto Blue Jays yesterday, 8-2, the Red Sox avoided the embarrassment of being swept by a team that had, until recently, lost nine in a row.

Who had been in first place for most of the season until that streak, despite that crazy winning streak the Sox had. So suck it dry.

I love this site for it's simple, understated wisdom and it's obsession with Ted Lilly. Ted Lilly destroyed the periodic table, because Ted Lilly only recognizes the element of surprise.

Disco is dead because Roy Halladay didn't like it.

9 comments:

eyebleaf said...: Fuck Brian Wolfe. FREE ACCARDO!

And that baseball tumblr site is awesome. Thank you for sharing. Sharing is caring.; June 1, 2009 10:42 AM
Mattt said...: Agreed. Brian Wolfe needs to go.

Also, is everyone associated with the red sox so threatened by the Jays that they have to put us down at every opportunity? It's the only reason I can think of for the endless amount of negative press directed Toronto's way...; June 1, 2009 11:42 AM
Joanna said...: One thing I will give Jamie and co is that they honestly seem to respect the competition. I have never heard Rance, Pat or Darrin go into an extensive, multiple inning long criticism of another team like Eckersley did the other week against the Jays pitching. Which was especially galling because the Jays bullpen has been one of the best in the league for a few seasons now.

I think the Red Sox players are, for the most part, great ball players. They are annoying and I hate them, but they are good ballplayers. The Boston folks seem to think the Jays are lesser people, shitty ballplayers, etc. So when the Jays beat them (as they have often in the last decade) it's because the Sox have failed, not because the Jays outplayed them.

Bugs my ass.; June 1, 2009 3:48 PM
Mattt said...: I have nothing against the sox as individual players other than the fact they are the enemy.

Their fans and apparently their press and broadcasters are another thing altogether...; June 1, 2009 7:01 PM
MK Piatkowski said...: Oh, I have definite things against Ratface, Beckett and Paplebon. But their fans, as a group, make them look like saints. No team is as good as they are and if they lose it's their team at fault. The other team had nothing to do with it. It's not just the Jays they do this to - it's everyone.; June 1, 2009 8:16 PM
Stedron said...: What exactly is the "it" in "suck it dry?"; June 2, 2009 1:45 PM
Joanna said...: whatever you want it to be.; June 2, 2009 2:58 PM
Stedron said...: I appreciate you accomodating me.; June 3, 2009 9:48 AM
doug said...: I just farted while she sucked me dry!!!!; June 3, 2009 3:45 PM

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A Glossary of Terms

"God-damnit!"- What VDub says when he pops up, the exclamation caught crisply and clearly by the sportsnet mic near the field. One of the sounds of summer
A-Dog- sometimes, when Aaron Hill is particulary slick or awesome in the field, he is called A-Dog, in reference to O-Dog.
Acorn- BJ Ryan calls Accardo 'Acorn'. Why? I don't know. But if BJ calls him that, so do I.
Big Boy Pants- When a player, particularly a pitcher, doesn't let a bad call or walks or stupid plays effect him, but instead acts like an adult and rises above them towards awesomeness.
disgusted- how AJ Burnett looks when he is pitching, probably due to his filthiness
Eeyore- Ted Lilly often seemed sad. Was soft-spoken and had sad eyes. Much like Pooh Bear's donkey friend.
Ex-Jays in the playoffs- a fun game to play at home to drowned out Tim McCarver's ramblings. Try to pick out all the Ex-Jays who are playing in the playoffs, make a team out of them and decide whether the Ex-Jay team could beat the Current Jays team. Note that the number of Ex-Jays in the playoffs always outnumbers the current Jays in the playoffs.
Gloved-F-Bomb- When a pitcher will yell obsceneties into their glove after giving up a homerun or even just a stressful inning. An alternative is the elbow f-bomb, in which the pitcher will swear into their arm.
Hatchling- a baby Jay.
Intentional walk followed by unintentional walk- an example of total futility and uselessness. One of my dad's fav humiliation plays
J-Effin' Mac- John McDonald is so unassuming and workman-like in his awesomeness, sometimes it is necessary to add an expletive to emphasize his awesomeness
Lexi- Alex Rios
Lil' Scottie Downs- for some reason, my father calls Scott Downs this.
Motivational F-Bomb- If you watch closely, after a pitching coach or catcher has gone to talk to a pitcher,sometimes the pitcher will pump himself up by saying "fuck" to no one in particular
Peaches- Dustin McGowan's mutton chops are kind of fuzzy and he is from Georgia.
Pink, Round, Efficient- How I described Litsch's first big league start. The kid is very pink and very round.
Prance off homerun- What ARod does when he hits a walk-off.
Roy Halladay Fan Club- I wrote a piece once about the man-love that seemed to flow from the staff to their ace. Each pitcher had his own little way of expressing his love, for instance, Chacin stole one of Roy's shirts because it "smelled like victory".
Show Pony- Alex Rodriguez, incorporated into the repetoire from Stephen King's Red Sox book. So called for the ostentatious way he runs (and fields, and hits...)
Smoke salmon pink- Roy Halladay turns pink with rage when he pitches.
Sparrow- Josh Towers because he is slight and excitable.
Talented Bonehead- my dad and I had several conversations about AJ Burnett. His blowups, his inability to use a changeup, why he did the things he did. And I said "Dad, what is his problem?" and my dad sagely said, "Well, he's what one calls a talented bonehead. Million dollar arm, 10 cent head."
The Shit List- where much of the team, other than the pitching staff, has resided in 2007
unneighbourly- Fletcher once described an AJ pitch by saying "Well, that is just downright unneighbourly".

The moment I actually started liking Keith Law.

Jason (Denver): Even though you seem to be a Rockies hater, what do you think about Greg Reynolds?

Keith Law: (2:13 PM ET ) Jason, you must be new here. I hate EVERYBODY. I hate all 30 teams. I hate their GMs, managers, and clubhouse boys. I hate all prospects, I hate both sides of every trade ever made, I hate any contract signed for over the minimum. I hate fans of all thirty teams. And most of all, I hate YOU. Greg Reynolds is a 4th starter in the big leagues, but that's based on what I saw of him as an amateur and I'd like to see him healthy as a pro.