Hum and Chuck: Only Love Can Break Your Heart

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Only Love Can Break Your Heart

That, and rumours about trading Roy Halladay. May I ask why we are already talking about it when he has another whole year on his very reasonable contract? This time next year, ok, maybe. But now? No.

Are the Jays made better without him? Considering we have -10 healthy useful arms, the answer would be no. And he is the best pitcher in baseball.

Are the Jays more entertaining? No. Every 5 days we get to see someone who is a master at his craft. Some guys know how to sculpt. Some guys know how to play a killer electric guitar. This guy knows how to throw a baseball. Sometimes it's easy to forget how good he is until you see how bad some others are. They are indecisive, slow, don't throw strikes. There is nothing worse than a pitcher who nibbles. It's why people hate baseball. They don't realize that's why. They say it's slow or boring. But it's actually a nibbling pitcher.

Roy Halladay is incapable of nibbling. He is the anti-nibbler. Nibbling makes him weep hot, manly tears of rage. Cause that shit just ain't right.

And yes, there was a walkoff. This is a very frustrating team. Not so bad that they should blow it up and start anew. But League getting 2 outs and 2 strikes and then giving up a 2-run homerun pretty much sums this shit up. So good, yet so ugly.

And see? Adam wants you to vote for him. So do it. DO IT.

4 comments:

eyebleaf said...: By trading Doc now, another team may ante up more, as they'll have Doc for at least a season and a half. If we trade him at this time next year, he's a straight rental, and the bounty will be lesser.

All that being said, this is fucked up.; July 8, 2009 12:52 PM
bkblades said...: I can't think straight when it comes to trading Halladay. It's just one of those unthinkable propositions like choosing between Roseanne and Rosie O'Donnell - a no win situation.; July 8, 2009 1:00 PM
Mattt said...: Losing Halladay is unthinkable but if in all reality he will be leaving for whatever reason, they may as well see what the best offer available is. That doesn't make it hurt any less though...; July 8, 2009 5:15 PM
MK Piatkowski said...: He's not leaving. Period. This is all messed up. As my dad said, "Riccardi should have kept his mouth shut."

I just feel so sorry for Roy, having to deal with this shit. He just wants to do his job. So let him.; July 9, 2009 1:11 PM

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A Glossary of Terms

"God-damnit!"- What VDub says when he pops up, the exclamation caught crisply and clearly by the sportsnet mic near the field. One of the sounds of summer
A-Dog- sometimes, when Aaron Hill is particulary slick or awesome in the field, he is called A-Dog, in reference to O-Dog.
Acorn- BJ Ryan calls Accardo 'Acorn'. Why? I don't know. But if BJ calls him that, so do I.
Big Boy Pants- When a player, particularly a pitcher, doesn't let a bad call or walks or stupid plays effect him, but instead acts like an adult and rises above them towards awesomeness.
disgusted- how AJ Burnett looks when he is pitching, probably due to his filthiness
Eeyore- Ted Lilly often seemed sad. Was soft-spoken and had sad eyes. Much like Pooh Bear's donkey friend.
Ex-Jays in the playoffs- a fun game to play at home to drowned out Tim McCarver's ramblings. Try to pick out all the Ex-Jays who are playing in the playoffs, make a team out of them and decide whether the Ex-Jay team could beat the Current Jays team. Note that the number of Ex-Jays in the playoffs always outnumbers the current Jays in the playoffs.
Gloved-F-Bomb- When a pitcher will yell obsceneties into their glove after giving up a homerun or even just a stressful inning. An alternative is the elbow f-bomb, in which the pitcher will swear into their arm.
Hatchling- a baby Jay.
Intentional walk followed by unintentional walk- an example of total futility and uselessness. One of my dad's fav humiliation plays
J-Effin' Mac- John McDonald is so unassuming and workman-like in his awesomeness, sometimes it is necessary to add an expletive to emphasize his awesomeness
Lexi- Alex Rios
Lil' Scottie Downs- for some reason, my father calls Scott Downs this.
Motivational F-Bomb- If you watch closely, after a pitching coach or catcher has gone to talk to a pitcher,sometimes the pitcher will pump himself up by saying "fuck" to no one in particular
Peaches- Dustin McGowan's mutton chops are kind of fuzzy and he is from Georgia.
Pink, Round, Efficient- How I described Litsch's first big league start. The kid is very pink and very round.
Prance off homerun- What ARod does when he hits a walk-off.
Roy Halladay Fan Club- I wrote a piece once about the man-love that seemed to flow from the staff to their ace. Each pitcher had his own little way of expressing his love, for instance, Chacin stole one of Roy's shirts because it "smelled like victory".
Show Pony- Alex Rodriguez, incorporated into the repetoire from Stephen King's Red Sox book. So called for the ostentatious way he runs (and fields, and hits...)
Smoke salmon pink- Roy Halladay turns pink with rage when he pitches.
Sparrow- Josh Towers because he is slight and excitable.
Talented Bonehead- my dad and I had several conversations about AJ Burnett. His blowups, his inability to use a changeup, why he did the things he did. And I said "Dad, what is his problem?" and my dad sagely said, "Well, he's what one calls a talented bonehead. Million dollar arm, 10 cent head."
The Shit List- where much of the team, other than the pitching staff, has resided in 2007
unneighbourly- Fletcher once described an AJ pitch by saying "Well, that is just downright unneighbourly".

The moment I actually started liking Keith Law.

Jason (Denver): Even though you seem to be a Rockies hater, what do you think about Greg Reynolds?

Keith Law: (2:13 PM ET ) Jason, you must be new here. I hate EVERYBODY. I hate all 30 teams. I hate their GMs, managers, and clubhouse boys. I hate all prospects, I hate both sides of every trade ever made, I hate any contract signed for over the minimum. I hate fans of all thirty teams. And most of all, I hate YOU. Greg Reynolds is a 4th starter in the big leagues, but that's based on what I saw of him as an amateur and I'd like to see him healthy as a pro.