HUM & CHUCK

Thoughts, News And Analysis About The Toronto Blue Jays And Baseball.

With humour, consternation and outrage, as required

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  • 2007-2017: A Decade

Fancy Seats, Fancy Feet: Live at the Dome

September 10, 2017 by Joanna Cornish

Editor’s note- Perhaps you’ve noticed the lack of updates. I’ve watched plenty of baseball but didn’t write about it. Quite honestly, I’ve had no motivation to write about baseball for five weeks. I was feeling guilty about it and I mentioned it to my dad and he said, “Why don’t you just do it when you feel like it?” and that’s more or less what I’ve done. It's been five weeks. 

I went to Friday’s game and sat in the nicest seat I’ve probably ever sat in. Section 120L, Row 5, Seat 109. You can see my hair and sweater in the shots of home plate from the highlights.

Far left, above the first "TD" green square. My hair and knees. On TV 

The fact that 2017 is more or less a write off allowed me to find that seat on StubHub and find it reasonably priced.

I passed Bob McGown (who threw out the first pitch to celebrate the 25th anniversary of his show) and Marcus Stroman’s mom on the concourse before the game. Neither had any idea they were in the presence of greatness when they passed me.

There is a sound to Marcus Stroman’s pitches that differentiated him from the Tigers’ starter. There was a snap to them. A bite.  And they move a hell of a lot. He wore gold shoes. 

Stroman’s emits a lot of energy. That angle allowed me to see a lot of the interplay between the catcher, the umpire, the hitter and the pitcher. There is a whole drama that unfolds throughout the game that isn’t as visible on TV or from another seat.

I saw this.

Gah, I missed that crucial detail. This one is much better! pic.twitter.com/zbFa3I57Vp

— Ian Hunter (@BlueJayHunter) September 9, 2017

I may have said, "Get in the box." I may have been heard. 

I went to use the washroom and get another cup of coffee (it was freezing Friday night) when Stroman had his spot of bother. All of a sudden, it was 4-0.

Steve Pearce’s eye black was a mess before Stroman even threw his first pitch. He must be extraordinarily sweaty. And messy. The official reason he left the game after one inning was "stiff back". But I'm convinced it was just messy eye black. 

I initially thought the triple play was just a double play and that the inning was over because the Tigers already had one out. The dude next to me said, “Was that a triple play?” and I said, “Uh….oh shit. Yes.”

I could tell from the angle and the sound when a ball was hit well enough to leave the yard. I knew when José Bautista hit his homer that night right off the bat. It was hit hard and it went a long way. I felt a little emotional as it’s likely the last one I’ll see live with Bautista in that uniform. (My prediction- he signs with Tampa or some team like that and he kills the Blue Jays, single handedly, every time he faces them.)

I was a little emotional. It's likely the last one I'll see live with him in this uniform. Total legend. And yes, that's me yelling "yay !"

A post shared by JoannaC (@humandchuck) on Sep 8, 2017 at 11:22pm PDT

I had fun but it was also a little sad. A four run deficit felt like 11 runs. Josh Donaldson was sick. It was cold, and highlights of an Encarnación homer that were shown on the Jumbotron were happening in a different city.  

The last two seasons have been magical. There was an aura of possibility that just isn’t hanging around anymore.

Most magically magic moment? The usher in the 500 level on the tron full on grooving to "Feel So Good" by Mase pre-game. 

Someone else grooved:

Warming up in the 6ix with the Stro-Show. 6 pieces of gum and some fancy footwork. @MStrooo6 pre-game warmup Sept 8 2017 pic.twitter.com/A9E5u0erND

— Lil Osuna (@Danbot26R) September 9, 2017
September 10, 2017 /Joanna Cornish

A Week in Baseball: Two Sleeve Slams and an Evening with Stro.

July 30, 2017 by Joanna Cornish

I have come to the realization that this might be as sweet, as delicious, as beautiful as 2017 Blue Jays baseball is gonna get.

One came to cap off a four game sweep of the Athletics. 

With two outs in the 10th, Steve Pearce hammers a 3-2 pitch deep down the left-field line for a walk-off grand slam and an 8-4 Blue Jays win Check out http://MLB.com/video for more! About MLB.com: Former Commissioner Allan H.

The other was to salvage a rather dismal series vs the Angels. 

Steve Pearce completes an epic Blue Jays comeback with a walk-off grand slam in the bottom of the 9th inning, his second in four days Check out http://MLB.com/video for more! About MLB.com: Former Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig announced on January 19, 2000, that the 30 Major League Club owners voted unanimously to centralize all of Baseball's Internet operations into an independent technology company.

Oh Sleeve- you can't wear eye black to save your life, but those are some pretty, pretty bombs. 

Seven unanswered runs make everything better. I was ready to write this one off as another Sunday in July disaster and it really did look like it was going that way. 

I mean, it was a series that started with the Jays losing Tulowitzki two years to the day he was traded to the Jays. That's so 2017 Blue Jays. 


This happened in the fourth game of the Athletic's series and is the other big story of the week:

John Gibbons is tossed for arguing balls and strikes, and after Bruce Maxwell walks, Marcus Stroman and Russell Martin are ejected as well Check out http://MLB.com/video for more! About MLB.com: Former Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig announced on January 19, 2000, that the 30 Major League Club owners voted unanimously to centralize all of Baseball's Internet operations into an independent technology company.

I don't think I've ever seen a pitcher and catcher tossed within ten seconds of each other. I don't know what Martin said, but it must of been saucy. 

Per Arden Zwelling tweet, from the horse's mouth:

Just pull out a good old: 

"Ostie d’crisse de tabarnak
Ostie d’câlisse de viarge." 

Stro post-game comments:

Marcus Stroman talks about showing emotion on the mound and the play of his teammates against the Athletics.

What did Gibby say? More than one f-bomb. 

Here's some audio from the John Gibbons ejection.

"Were you out all fucking night?"#GibbyTheBest pic.twitter.com/kqo5UVtUpG

— Mark Sheldon (@markdsheldon) July 27, 2017

"Were you out all fucking night?" is a classic. 


From Jays Care Foundation's Twitter

Later on Thursday evening, I attended "An Evening with Stro", an event put on by the Jays Care Young Professionals (I'm a member) to benefit the Jays Care Foundation. 

Stroman, interviewed by the always great Hazel Mae, talked extensively about HDMH, baseball his life, his family and answered audience submitted questions, including about his friends, who on the team is the funniest (Steve Pearce, unintentionally) and talked about music and fashion.

Speaking of fashion, because I pay attention to these things, our boy was wearing a velvet baseball hat that said "Wasted Tears" on it. 

It's a hat from Enfant Riches et Déprimés, which is the label of a designer named Henry Levy. Complex Magazine wrote a story about him in 2016.

(I'm not judging it, really, but it is vaguely hilarious that Levy talks about his punk aesthetic- nothing says 'punk' like a $400 velvet hat. It's ok- he's a rich kid who makes clothes for other rich kids. It's fine.) 

Pusha T wears the label:

and I'm sort of obsessed with Pusha T. 

This is still one of my favourite fashion videos ever:

On the latest episode of Stylings, Pusha T and his stylist Marcus Paul head to the chic London menswear store Hostem to peruse outfits, find inspiration for Play Cloths, and talk about the harmony of fashion and music in hip hop.

In this picture I took, you'll also notice something rather large on the power finger of Stro's pitching hand. It was designed by Band Aid. 


Stroman’s mom Adlin and sister Sabria, who run HDMH out of his mom’s house on Long Island, were at the event.

They had a little pop up shop set up to sell the merch and it remained hopping even after Marcus and his entourage of boys in skinny jeans peaced out.

The crowd had made a mess of the shirts on the table and because I’m a Virgo who has worked some retail in my life, a pile of shirts means I gotta be folding them. I can’t help it.

So I stood there and merchandized them while I looked for a shirt I liked.

Marcus’ sister Sabria saw me doing it and said, “I love you for doing that.” and smiled at me. Her smile matches her brother’s, and they both get it from their mother. These people are genetically blessed by great teeth.

I settled on this one:

Adlin was using an iPad as a POS terminal. She came over to take my money, and I thanked her for sharing Marcus with us. She looked at me and said, “Oh my God, you are gonna make me cry!” in a classic New York Boricua accent. And she talked about how much she loves visiting Toronto and being here, and that she should just get a dual citizenship.

I also told her I also have green eyes (her name on Twitter is BehindGrnEyes) and she high fived me.


Stroman’s favourite question seemed to be “Jay-Z or Nas?” and he hemmed and hawed, said he loved that question and then chose Jay-Z.

No one asked me, but this is what I’d say- I think career-wise, Jay-Z has put out a higher volume of quality, but Nas, at his peak, is unbeatable. Illmatic is arguably the greatest hip hop album ever.

However, Jay-Z ‘s overall output is probably stronger, it's over 20 years. His new album is pretty great. 

It’s tough. It's really the best of what New York hip hop has to offer. 

Let's end on music:

A classic from Nas:

1994 Nas- Illmatic track 2

And this one is new from 4:44. I love this video:

Watch the BAM (Feat. Damian Marley) From JAY-Z's new album, '4:44' Streaming now on TIDAL - https://JAY-Z.co/444 Follow JAY-Z: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayZ Twitter: https://twitter.com/s_c_ Directed by Rohan Blair-Mangat Music video by JAY-Z performing Bam. (C) 2017 S. Carter Enterprises, LLC. Marketed by Roc Nation & Distributed by Roc Nation/UMG Recordings, Inc.

July 30, 2017 /Joanna Cornish

The Summer of Our Discontent

July 23, 2017 by Joanna Cornish

It’s well documented that I was very unhappy with the Jays when they failed to re-sign Edwin Encarnación. It was a little extra irritating when, a few days before Christmas, he signed with Cleveland.

The Blue Jays had been eliminated from the ALCS by Cleveland about two months before. Cleveland was already a better team and the Jays allowed one of their best pieces to be an asset to them. It felt like Cleveland was going one way and Toronto was going another.

Friday’s game, which I’ve titled “Edwin Will Have His Revenge”, was particularly rough. Cleveland needed hits and Encarnación delivered in a way Jays fans have become accustomed to. 

The different directions were very apparent this weekend.

Out hit, out pitched, out classed. Of the two, one of these teams is going to have "Meaningful September Baseball" and the other one is the Toronto Blue Jays.

What’s that, Gibby?

John Gibbons: "Today was just a horseshit game all the way around -- I can't describe it any better than that."

— Arden Zwelling (@ArdenZwelling) July 23, 2017

That about sums it up. 


Things are ugly in a way not seen in a good long while. Every day, new terrible stats are tweeted out.

Did you know that the Blue Jays’ run differential is -20303940? And that the run differential is the worst since the beginning of time?

You do now! It’s not just your imagination that this is bad! We are going to reinforce your negative thoughts with cold, hard stats! Wallow! And then complain about Troy Tulowitzki’s “bad attitude” on Twitter.

I get the media is trying to tell the story, but it is starting to sound like a relentless dirge. Find a new angle, fellas. You can do it.

I would like to put a hold on this idea that was circulating around Twitter yesterday:

Worth mentioning, #BlueJays have been mostly healthy this month as well. Minus Sanchez. Regular lineup has been in there.

— Gregor Chisholm (@gregorMLB) July 23, 2017

This is not a hit on Mr. Chisholm, but I’m going to call bullshit on this. Regulars not on the DL does not equal healthy. 

I refuse to believe that Josh Donaldson is healthy. I don't believe it. I don't. 

He’s had calf issues to start the season and jammed his hand the other day versus Boston. And that’s just the stuff we know about.

Aaron Sanchez's blister issue illustrates how health can ebb and flow. 

And even if Donaldson is actually healthy, the time missed has an effect on his timing. Watching him, with my eyes, it’s clear he just isn’t right. He's missing pitches he normally crushes.

And that’s just Donaldson. That doesn't address the various others I suspect are walking wounded.

The only one I believe is feeling pretty good is Justin Smoak.

And “regular lineup” isn’t accurate while Devon Travis remains on the DL.

May has, by far, been the best month in this 2017 season. Travis was regularly in the lineup. He made all of them go and his absence leaves a hole. They can't seem to get it going without him.

I don't know why media and the fans don't want to acknowledge that health has been an issue, but it's key. These guys haven't mysteriously regressed towards terrible sucking. It's health. 


Hilariously sad Steve Simmons tweet:

Is the world missing a new Steve Simmons hot take? Does anyone care about this? 


Stoeten talks about how much fun Stroman is to watch this season for Vice Sports.

Arden Zwelling with a fantastic piece about Vlad Jr.

Some Stacey May Fowles Baseball Life Advice from Vlad Sr. 

Finally, Joey Votto delivered on his promise of a donkey for Zach Cozart. 

 

More donkeys. Less horseshit. 

July 23, 2017 /Joanna Cornish

Baseball is Funny: A Week of Baseball Thoughts

July 09, 2017 by Joanna Cornish

Baseball is funny. The Jays just split a four game series with the Astros, the best team in baseball. 

The scores went as follows:

7-4 Jays

12-2 Astros

7-2 Jays

19-1 Astros 

50% of the time, the Jays made the Astros look pretty ordinary (the Astros were particularly ordinary on Saturday. The great defensive play Donaldson made followed by his three run homer seemed to suck their energy away.) And 50% of the time, the Astros looked like a relentless killing machine.

The Astros were the shark from Jaws.  And the Jays needed a bigger boat. 


I was at the game Saturday and it was one of the best games I've ever been to. It was sunny, but I was in the shade. There were nachos. There were friends.

I sat in Section 244 which was perfect for two reasons: one, it was in the shade. I like the sun, I just don't like sitting in it and two, it offered a complete view of the field, which was perfect for explaining things to one of my friends who is new to baseball. She was particularly intrigued by the attempted pickoffs of the runner on first.  Also, an explanation of a balk (without actually seeing it) which included a spelling of the word "balk." 

When Mike Fiers went up and in with a pitch to Donaldson, I said, "You better make him pay for that, Josh. You better go large." And then, a couple of pitches later, HE DID.

I screamed "GET IT, BOY. GET IT."

I lost my voice. And my mind. 

"I feel like I've been able to see the ball better," Donaldson told MLB.com . "Slow the game down and ultimately have better at-bats. Also, defensively, I've begun to do that as well. That's important and we want it to be perfect all the time, but sometimes it gets away from us. I feel like it's definitely getting more repeatable and more consistent."

Josh Donaldson spoke to the media following the Blue Jays 7-2 victory over the Astros. He touched on his standout performance in the game.


The picture for the Blue Jays is unclear, are they this team that can make the Astros look ordinary, or are they this team the Astros scored 36 runs against?

Do they add? Do they blow up? Do they semi-blow up?

It's all very much in the air.

Gibbons on what he wishes for the second half of season: "...world peace..and more wins." #BlueJays

— Hazel Mae (@thehazelmae) July 9, 2017

Earlier in the week, the Jays took two of three from the Yankees. Whatever else happens this season, this moment might be baseball at it's most pure and wonderful:

Roberto Osuna vs. Aaron Judge with two outs, the Yankees a run down with a man on second. The game is on the line and the rookie phenom is at the plate:

Roberto Osuna strikes out Aaron Judge swinging to nail down the Blue Jays' 7-6 victory over the Yankees Check out http://MLB.com/video for more! About MLB.com: Former Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig announced on January 19, 2000, that the 30 Major League Club owners voted unanimously to centralize all of Baseball's Internet operations into an independent technology company.

I want to eat it with a spoon.

This also happened:

Roberto Osuna responds to Carlos Correa being upset with how he handled the final out of Thursday's game, explaining that he wasn't trying to "show up" Correa in any way.

He's so delightfully confused. As he should be. 

Congrats on your first All Star Game, kid. Well deserved. 


There was a good deal of celebration on Jays Twitter when Josh Donaldson had Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone as his walk up music. And some were sad when he made a new choice.

I am not.

Danger Zone is a totally fine song. But it's also very generic. A lot of dudes would pick Danger Zone.

His replacement walk up song is so much more interesting.

OutKast's official music video for 'So Fresh, So Clean'. Click to listen to OutKast on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/OutKastSpotify?IQid=OutKSFSC As featured on Stankonia.

The beat on this thing is sick. Siiiiiiiiiick. It's almost 20 years old and it's still ridiculous. It sounds new.

NPR wrote about the song here.

Donaldson has some of the most eclectic music taste in terms of walk up songs and this is just another great one.  It's got funk in it, it's got electronica in it. I still sing it sometimes when I get out of the shower. 

Outkast is pure South, and Donaldson is a Southern boy. 

I love when you stare at me I'm dressed so fresh so clean
(So fresh and so clean clean)

In other walk up news, this is Russell Martin's

"Feel So Good" by Mase. From the album "Harlem World" (1997). Directed by: Hype Williams iTunes: http://bit.ly/harlemworld Spotify: http://spoti.fi/1XVsDwy Follow us on... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/badboy Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/badboyrecords Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/badboyentertainment Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/badboyrecords © 1997 WMG/Bad Boy Entertainment

The Hype Williams video is so late 90s. Particularly the green lame hot pants and the fish eye lens.

Kevin Pillar's is Arrested Development's  People Everyday , which is an update of the Sly and Family Stone classic Everyday People.

If Pillar wanted to really appeal to his Toronto fans, he might want to consider some Kardinal Offishall.

If you attend many games, you might recognize the: 

Let me here you say T dot Oooooooo (Oooooooo!)
Yeaaah! (Yeaaah!)
T-Dot O, yeah, O, yeah
O, yeah, O, yeah, O, yeah, O, yeah

Which is from this track:

Music video by Kardinal Offishall performing Everyday (Rudebwoy).

I love the video, too, shot in Toronto and directed by RT! 


This is the stuff:

That Blue Jay is on the sleeve of top #Jays prospect Vladimir Guerrero Jr. pic.twitter.com/zmv3xwYef2

— Rob Longley (@longleysunsport) July 9, 2017
July 09, 2017 /Joanna Cornish
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