Keep Rebuilding...

Until it's time to rebuild.

Imagine there is a girl. She's an awesome girl. And she's been seeing this guy for a long time, let's say, I dunno, 15 years. And she really, really wants to get married, because she loves this guy and she wants a ring. She wants to make it official. And he keeps talking about this damn ring like he's going to give it to her. Promising it to her in the spring and talks about it until July or so and then says "We can't swing it this year, baby. I'll get you that ring next year." He makes annoying decisions and tells her it's for her own good, that there is a plan, but never quite explains why he hasn't gotten her the ring. And this has been going on for a really long time. So, does she stay with this guy, who she loves but is losing patience with or does she leave him and get with someone who gets her the damn ring?

And I'm sorry Yankee morons, just Hughes or just Joba for Doc and Vernon aren't going to cut it. So shut up.

Keith Law for GM, for all the shit he said here (transcribed or more likely cut-and-pasted by Stoeten) and for this classic gem I liked so much, I put it in the margins of my blog:

Jason (Denver): Even though you seem to be a Rockies hater, what do you think about Greg Reynolds? Keith Law: (2:13 PM ET ) Jason, you must be new here. I hate EVERYBODY. I hate all 30 teams. I hate their GMs, managers, and clubhouse boys. I hate all prospects, I hate both sides of every trade ever made, I hate any contract signed for over the minimum. I hate fans of all thirty teams. And most of all, I hate YOU. Greg Reynolds is a 4th starter in the big leagues, but that's based on what I saw of him as an amateur and I'd like to see him healthy as a pro.

All Star Queries and Observations

Obama getting booed at Busch Stadium. White Sox jacket, Republicans or big fat racists? Pujols was feeling pretty friendly that night. Anyone else notice him and Carlos Pena almost making out when they were supposed to be greeting the "All Stars Among Us." I was a bit teary over that video montage. Tears interrupted by screams when I saw W. appear on my screen. "I thought we vanquished you!!!!"

This guy not exactly at his sharpest. And for once I was thrilled. He got the honour of starting the game, but looked completely human on a national stage. Completely human...for now, as some might say. Also, Mauer lives the dream of many a Jays fan by copping a feel of cyborg ass.

Carl Crawford violating someone who is not a Blue Jay. Even when the Rays were Devil Rays and it was Crawford and a bag of toys that made that team, he always managed to single handedly take the Jays down. Hill is jacked. And got 3 assists. Michael Young also put on a damn defensive clinic at 3rd base.AL wins!!! Order restored. Was that not a bit of a boring game? Maybe I needed free hotdogs or something.

Play of game got MVP. Well deserved. But an MVP for one game seems kind of a bit cheap.


1 million? The fuck? 1 million?!?!? We could've done that shit. 1 million!!!!!

Proof

A few seasons ago, Vernon Wells got so heated up over a call, he yelled. He pointed his finger. He screamed profanity from the dugout. He got tossed from a game. Vernon Wells. It looked a little like this. But with more yelling. More profanity. More ejections.

And frankly, a little more hotness.

All Star

Look, Doc and some punk who skateboards at the park are starting the All Star Game. KC people are moaning because Greinke wasn't named, but they can shove it. They haven't had to listen to bullshit like "Roy Halladay, a Jay...for now." for the past two weeks.

And Aaron Hill gets to start the All Star game because Dustin Pedroia is skipping due to his wife having a baby. I know, I was shocked too. Someone slept with Dustin Pedroia?

Nothing Will Come of Nothing

Brunt sums some stuff up. "But here’s the problem. When it comes to professional sport, to the bond that keeps people coming back game after game, year after year, there is an emotional, irrational component – as there is with any relationship. And there are times when that link can be irrevocably broken even with the best of intentions, even when moves are made that, on paper, seem sound."


It most certainly makes sense business wise to part ways with franchise face/spirit Roy Halladay. Why is it we can offer a king's ransom to our centre fielder or offer the biggest contract ever to a relief pitcher, but can't pony up for this guy? Lack of foresight? Lack of planning?

Do we watch this team because they are fiscally sound? Because the GM makes good business moves? Because they break even?

Or do we watch it because we love the team and want them to win? Is it because the third basemen throws rockets across the diamond and busts it around the bases after home runs? Is it because we watched a young guy blossom into a player that rivals and matches the lofty legacy of his predecessors at his position? Or is it because we like watching a guy who works hard, is an absolute beast of a competitor and throws a baseball as good as anyone in today's game?

Perhaps if the ownership is unable or unwilling to build a team around arguably the franchise greatest player ever, than maybe they should sell. If the GM is unable or unwilling to build a team around the same player, maybe he should resign.

Because what is the damn point if this team isn't built to win?

Designate Joanna for Assignment

What JP says
“We thought that he was not going to be the pitcher that he was able to be for us . We thought that the player was not going to be able to help us in a role that could help the team win. At this point we thought it was best to let the player get on with his life.”

“The player was not happy. The player really wanted to pitch more. I think that’s the competitor in him. Realistically, we just didn’t think we had a role that he could pitch in for us right now.”

With regard to the decision to swallow the $15M still owed, Ricciardi said, “We talked to Paul Beeston, and Paul understood—Paul was actually the one who went to Rogers with it, and he got the clearance with it. We obviously didn’t go into this lightly.”

BJ, with his release, also has lost the right to the name BJ Ryan. He will be called "The Pitcher" or "The Player" until he chooses a new name.

Yes, I lifted all that JP stuff right from DJF and I don't give a shit. Also lifted from DJF:

Alex Rios' Cock Cheese said...

Trade Stoeten to Tao for The Ack.

designate Joanna for assignment.

give The Blue Jays Hunter his outright release.

The Giant Super 8 Sign Outside Your Window said...

Joooooooooannnnnnnaaaaa

I really can't thank Super 8 enough for that commercial.

That Solves That

via Twitter RT @MLBastian @The_Score @tonyambrogio200 Blue jays activate Scott Downs and give BJ Ryan his release.

Only Love Can Break Your Heart

That, and rumours about trading Roy Halladay. May I ask why we are already talking about it when he has another whole year on his very reasonable contract? This time next year, ok, maybe. But now? No.

Are the Jays made better without him? Considering we have -10 healthy useful arms, the answer would be no. And he is the best pitcher in baseball.

Are the Jays more entertaining? No. Every 5 days we get to see someone who is a master at his craft. Some guys know how to sculpt. Some guys know how to play a killer electric guitar. This guy knows how to throw a baseball. Sometimes it's easy to forget how good he is until you see how bad some others are. They are indecisive, slow, don't throw strikes. There is nothing worse than a pitcher who nibbles. It's why people hate baseball. They don't realize that's why. They say it's slow or boring. But it's actually a nibbling pitcher.

Roy Halladay is incapable of nibbling. He is the anti-nibbler. Nibbling makes him weep hot, manly tears of rage. Cause that shit just ain't right.

And yes, there was a walkoff. This is a very frustrating team. Not so bad that they should blow it up and start anew. But League getting 2 outs and 2 strikes and then giving up a 2-run homerun pretty much sums this shit up. So good, yet so ugly.

And see? Adam wants you to vote for him. So do it. DO IT.

Make it happen, people.

This Series is Atrocious

This is getting ridiculous. We have no pitching. God is clearly a Yankees fan. What the hell has happened to BJ Ryan? After a bit of a rough start after TJ last year, he could still pitch. Now he's just a warm body. If we release him and eat his contract, I get the sense that somehow he'll come back.

The Jays scored 8 runs after what looked to be working up to a Yankee blowout. And the 'pen blew it. Mark Teixeira has a very punchable face.


I can tell the Jays are losing because anonymous assholes are calling me names and telling me to do things to Stoeten, as if that would accomplish anything. It's never fun to lose to the Yankees, bitch, but the hit streak extension made it less bad. Go back with the other retards on the DJF.

Hill and Halladay made it to the All Star game. I would be happy, but since we lost to the Yankees, I have to perform sexual favours on other bloggers and am not allowed to show anything but vitriol. Vote Lind.

This Blog is Atrocious

So, yeah. We had our ace on the mound yesterday and still lost. Granted, Doc wasn't at his nastiest, but still, the bullpen blew a 3 run lead. They are clearly in need of Scott Downs' toe.

And now we seriously have no pitchers, because Scott "the other Scott" Richmond has been placed on the DL with a sore right shoulder. Richmond was at least smart enough to mention it to the training staff. “Tried to downplay as much as I can to the trainers, but they’re there to help. I can’t not be telling them the truth and hope it doesn’t come back.” So Cecil comes out of the 'pen to start today. Pray for him, people. Pray for us all.

It Is Different

So that wasn't nearly as ugly as AJ's shirt. It actually sort of felt like the Jays were in that. And Tex was totally safe at home. People, we got a call at Yankee Stadium.

Watching AJ pitch was sort of nostalgic for me today. I got the familiar feeling in the later innings that AJ was starting to cruise, zippy fastballs and downright bitchy curves. He then gave up an absolute bomb to VDub, also very AJ. Just helping his buddy out, I guess. I hate him.

"Facing the Blue Jays as a Yankee is different," he said. Yes. It is different. How observant.

And Scott Rolen extended his damn hit streak. 20 games. And it was beautiful and made the loss kind of fun.

Plus, a call at Yankee Stadium. Which is, in its own way, a victory in itself.

Anyone else notice the fake umps made it to the Bronx?

Doc goes tomorrow.

Oh, and Aaron Hill totally gets Vernon Wells back for that "Aaron Hill is a racist" comment.

We'll Always Have an Ugly-Ass Shirt

I'm never a big fan of the red of the Canada Day jerseys. They look to tomato or something on my TV. But at least it's better than that shit above. AJ, you are as rich as shit. Get a stylist.

Rays series? Doc couldn't save us, but LL Cool J was awesome on Canada Day. Doubles and homeruns from 'Rowdy' Rod Barajas , Scott 'the Rock' Rolen and Adam "the Other White Hope" Lind.

Ok, I am going on a brief hiatus. There is some comedy and some tragedy happening in my real life that I need to attend to. I am making every effort to watch and make fun of the Yankees series (which, by the way, is HUGE) and I will try to post at least once (probably the AJ start. I think it might be hard on us though.). And like the DL, this hiatus is retroactive to last Tuesday.

(p.s. Thanks MK.)

So Annoying...

Brian Tallet just didn't have it today. Too many walks. Too many walks followed by hits. Walks are real motherfuckers when they are followed by hits. The 9th inning got pretty interesting until JMac had a brain fart and got picked off of 2nd. It was pretty ugly to see. It was one of those games where it felt like a one run deficit was Mount Everest.

But, the bright spot was Aaron Freakin' Hill hitting two homeruns and getting to 19, beating single season record for Jays second basemen set by the one and only Roberto Alomar. Hill is having some kind of season. Blair rages in his Unwritten Rules blog that the Rog Mahal fans didn't give him a curtain call. And I am inclined to agree with Snappy. Don't turn into the way some stadiums do it, whose fans ask for curtain calls when their players successfully tie their shoe laces (I won't specify, but let's just say it rhymed with Wankees.) But show a little damn respect.

Awesome Scotts

There was a theme in last night's game. If your name was Scott, you were awesome. Scott Richmond allowed two hits over 7 innings and retired 14 Reds in a row. And Scott Rolen...

Scott, let's have babies. They will be tall (you are 6'4", I am 5'10"), have my curly hair and they will make magical leaping line drive picking catches that save runs in the 8th. This guy can be godfather and we can feed them Mammoth Burgers and Fossil Fries so they grow mighty and strong. And they will be especially awesome because we will raise them in Philadelphia and boo them everyday.


"For a bird that is flashy, loud, aggressive and conspicuous during most of the year, blue jays become remarkably quiet and inconspicuous while actually nesting." Good to know.

'What's wrong with Vernon Wells?" -Dusty Baker

"The fans were calling me by my new nickname -- Boo,"-Boo Wells.

Bronson Arroyo's Rogers Centre ERA is 49.50.

Red Hot Quotes

"I've been away, and out there on the grind. So I apologize for long delays between posts. Scott Rolen is awesome."-Hum and Chuck on excuses and Scott Rolen.

“This game to me is quick starts and quick stops and that when guys get hurt most of the time. I don’t know why he was getting out of there quick, but he was getting out of there quick and that’s what happened.”-Cito on Scott Downs and the bullshit that is pitchers hitting.

"Pitchers hitting and the double switch- Cito don't play that." -Hum and Chuck on Cito's Achilles heel.

"He felt good." Cito, the best news in forever, on Doc's throwing.

"Brian Tallet's look is freakin' hysterical." -Hum and Chuck on Brian Tallet's look.

"The only guy down there that's got a role right now [is] probably [Jason] Frasor." -Cito on the bullpen.

"I feel pretty good right now, and I want to keep that going," said Halladay, directing his comments toward a stack of folding chairs that had not even been set out. "Doc, do you feel that your amazing start has been flying completely under the radar?" asked Halladay in a deep voice somewhat resembling that of Toronto Star columnist Richard Griffin, before responding that he expected no accolades for his 43 career complete games, 141 career wins, 1,375 career strikeouts, 2003 Cy Young award, or incredible durability. Halladay, upon asking and therefore receiving no further questions, stood up, looked around the room for a long moment, and slowly walked back to the clubhouse." -The Onion on Doc being awesome and being ignored.

Seriously? If watching their shtick was entertaining to you for more than a few innings, you care less about baseball less than Adam Dunn. Props to Darren Fletcher for getting crotchety and not playing along with Sportnet’s picture-in-picture infatuation with these bores. And why the hell do they make foul tip signs on every foul ball? Like I find myself yelling far too often at the dome these days with ever-increasing baseball curmudgeonness: siddown and watch the damn game. You might learn something. -The Mockingbird on Fake Umps.

"I know it's eating at him, but he's trying to maintain his composure. I just think it's his personality. You are what you are and you can't be a phony about it. Me, I'm just the opposite. My Italian heritage would have come out, and I'd have snapped a long time ago." Gene Tenace on why V-Dub should be Italian.

"I've been criticized through my career for not exploding when things are going bad," Wells said. "But by the same token, when things are going well, you're not going to see me jumping around for joy, either. When the good times are here, you have to ride them for as long as you can. And when the bad times are here, you have to try and be the same person." -Vernon Wells on Vernon Wells actually caring.

"See assholes, he actual does care. He isn't lazy or bored. He's chill. That being said, what the fuck is wrong with him?" -Hum and Chuck on Vernon Wells.

Stop Going Into Extras

So how do the Jays celebrate sweeping the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies? Drop two to the worst team in all of creation. What the fuck, boys? Were the bats held over in Philly? Stop going into extras, people.

Brett Cecil easily pitched well enough to win that game and recovered really nicely from that ugly start in Fenway.
What is going on with Vernon Wells in the field? “The ball hit my glove. When that happens, I should catch it.”

It is completely unacceptable for the Jays to not beat this team. FUCK!

Ok, a little positivity. Pigs flew and Vernon hit a homerun. Thank you. Scott Rolen, father of my awesome babies, has a 10 game hit streak going.

And I don't know if this is positive or what, but Russ Adams has been called up.

A tip via Twitter, Whatadewitt

Dream pitcher-hitter match ups. Someone we know and love is mentioned. Often.

Hall of Fame pitcher Jim Palmer: "It would be Halladay against anyone; that's how good he is. I saw [Rangers pitching coach] Mike Maddux the other day. He ran up to me and said, 'I just saw Halladay for the first time! He's unbelievable!' As for Pujols, well, I'll never forget his first spring training. Mark McGwire came up to me and said, "I can't wait for you to see this Pujols kid. He sees everything. He pays attention. He will be great.'"

Whether McGwire said "I'd like to inject something in that kids ass, give him an edge." I don't know.

Mets catcher Brian Schneider: "Halladay against Pujols. With Albert, you're just trying to limit the damage. You just want to let him beat you in the right way, without an extra-base hit. But that's so hard. Halladay has so many options. He can run that front-door slider at you, then go cutter in, or use that big curveball or his changeup. He doesn't just have five pitches, he has five plus pitches. Johan [Santana] has two great pitches. Halladay goes off you. If you take something, he goes to something else, another plus pitch."

And my favourite quote, but I hope Doc doesn't see it pre-contract talks and get any ideas.

Mets infielder Alex Cora: "Halladay against Pujols. He is such a complete pitcher. I've seen him give up four runs to us, then he ends up going nine. He has so many pitches. If the cutter isn't working, he goes with the changeup. If the changeup isn't working, he goes with the breaking ball. If that's not working, he makes something up. I used to tell Petey [Pedro Martinez] that if I was a general manager, and Roy was a free agent, I'd go over to his house, I'd give him a contract, I'd tell him to fill in a number and I'll be happy.

We Have No Pitching...

Except Scott Richmond's eyebrows. Let's beat the World Series Champions. Twice.

That was a fun game, beating up on an old man like that. Scott Rolen made me want to have his kids last night. And I'd boo him everyday so he'd be awesome.

All the DL list info is made official here

The headline is kind of funny, like the Jays' took out their kneecaps or something. "What happened the Doc?' 'We disabled him. He screamed like a little girl.' Jeremy "Acorn" Accardo finally atoned for whatever he did and was called up, too.


I sort of hate the All Star Game. Not the game itself, that's fine. But the fans turn it into some sort of Pedroia/Pukelis Parade (not that they aren't worthy) of the same players every year. If they recognize the name, that's who they vote for.

Jerry Crasnick gave Jays some love in his stealth All-Star list.

Marco Scutaro is on the list at number 7. "He's another example of how the real baseball players have caught up with the cheaters as they've detoxified," an NL scout said, only half in jest. In the "other worthy" section, Adam Lind and Scott "why the fuck are you swinging up 5 runs?"Downs are also mentioned.

it's a live blog

The Curse of Joe Carter

Apologies for the late post. Is it just me, or did the Jays try about 45 different ways to lose last night? Leaving tons of men on base, wasting a quality start, base running mistakes, pitchers hitting (and then landing on the DL. Damn it, Scott Downs, don't run out of the box. Fuck the NL), J-Mac hitting. I started to hate this team last night. Like aggressive Red Sox fan style anger. The only thing that saved us was the Carter Curse, which manifested itself in a slump busting infield single for VDub. And apparently, Scott Rolen likes to be booed.

And just to add to the fun, Halladay and Janssen join Downs on the DL. George Poulis, handler of Doc's groin, was named to the All-Star team.

My friend Ian sent me this message via Facebook today, and I think it's on the nose.



"Did you see the game last night? WTF is Cito doing? Why on earth did he let Downs hit in the 10th with a 5 run lead? He's out for 1 game but he could have broken something and be gone for the year! WTF? Do you remember that blow out in the World Series '93 where Cito let his pitcher hit in the middle of rally? A game which they came back to win and set a record WS comeback. After the game Cito said he was thinking about the next game ––basically admitting he had given up on a game that his team came back to win. Cito dropped his pants to the world that night and from that moment I have had huge doubts about Cito and if he understands the pitching side of the game at all. This year we learned he doesn't talk to pitchers unless they're named Roy Halladay!"

Letting George Handle It

Well, hell froze over and Cito changed the lineup. Behold.

M. Scutaro ss

A. Hill 2b

V. Wells cf

A. Lind dh

S. Rolen 3b

A. Rios rf

L. Overbay 1b

R. Barajas c

J. Inglett lf

But unfortunately it appears the old lineup was the only thing holding Roy Halladay's groin together.

"I just kind of took a couple of steps and that's when he came out. As of right now, I'm letting George handle it and talk to the doctors and figure out the best way to move forward. I'm kind of just doing what I'm told at this point."

Well fuck us. And yeah, Doc, let George handle your groin. Heh.

Also, thank you to Sportsnet for showing League drop a very obvious motivational f-bomb and then replaying it going into commercial.

But that Grand Slam was less fun.

An arm , an arm, my kingdom for an arm.

Rainy

No game.

Texas Sized Quotes

With a team that has a lot of power, you have to make them off-balance and the way you do that is by mixing up your speeds ... I was able to do that tonight, throw just enough fastballs to make them respect it and I had a really good changeup tonight and got a lot of outs with it. It was a lot of fun."-Brian Tallet, on changeups.

"We've been fortunate that this year we had some guys step up and keep us in the game and give us a chance to be where we are today."-Cito Gaston, on spreading the love.

"There were a lot of popups, a lot of bad popups."-Brian Tallet, on popups, a lot of bad popups.

"Holy shit, did Vernon just hit a triple?" - Hum and Chuck on Vernon Wells.

"We got it handed to us tonight in all phases of the game."-Ron Washington, on getting owned.


"In previous years, blue jays, crows, hawks and owls were the only ones accepted for testing (for bird flu), but their numbers are down considerably."-KETV Omaha, talking about blue jays.

"It’s embarrassing, it’s very disappointing ... But obviously I’m not going to kill myself. I’m not going to go and try to figure out what went wrong or this and that. I’m going to get back out there. The confidence is there."-AJ Burnett, on clearly looking for death.

"He’s not going to figure out what is wrong? He has a 4.89 ERA. Figuring out what is wrong might be a good idea."-Peter Abraham, on learning the joys of AJ.

"Shouldn't the Yankees have known that this wildly inconsistent version of Burnett is the guy they were likely to get for their money? He's in his 11th season, and last year (18-10) was the only time in his career he won more than 12 games or finished more than two games above .500 for a season."-Ed Valentine, on second guessing.

"HA!" -Hum and Chuck on laughing at the Yankees.

“Alex Rios has turned into a $10-million embarrassment for the Toronto Blue Jays."-Steve Simmons on Rios

"Please fuck off already." - Hum and Chuck on Steve Simmons

"I'm putting myself in a better position ... I'm taking more pitcher's pitches." Adam Lind on taking pitcher's pitches.

"Adam Lind knows how to hit home runs, but doesn't know how to high-five, despite J-Mac's best efforts." -Hum and Chuck on posted picture.

Roy Halladay Can Fire Joe Morgan

Dear Sunday Night Baseball,

Roy Halladay is unavailable. He isn't on the block. But thanks for saying he is "one of" the best. I know you were just trying to spare Johan's feelings (he is very sensitive), and you really wanted to say "Roy Halladay is the best." And he is the best because he won his 10th game yesterday, first one to get there this season. He would have been working on his 11th, had it not been for certain bullpen malfunctions on a fateful afternoon in Baltimore. But let's not focus on that. Let's focus on the fact that the Jays beat Zach "I'm sad because I'm not Doc" Greinke, ballooning his ERA to a big fat, juicy 1.55.

“No matter what I threw, it was just hammered. I’m not used to that. I don’t remember seeing anyone get hit that hard in a long time.” Yes, Zachary, it was alarming. Almost as alarming that Hocheaver was drafted before Evan Longoria and that the Jays beat Greinke and then lose to someone with an ERA over 10.

Lyle Overbay (he of the recent bombs) says Doc is all baserunners discuss. "Day in and day out, everybody that gets on first base says he's the best ... The Yankees, the Red Sox, they're like 'It's not fair.' I'm glad I'm on his side, not the other side."

Jason Sparks says Roy Halladay is without a doubt the best MLBer that America doesn't know exists. The guy would be a legit superstar if he wasn't in Toronto. Cito referred to Doc as "my man."

And then the man himself says this:

"It's the best run support I've had, that's for sure, and that makes a huge difference ... There were games early on where I didn't necessarily pitch great and we scored enough runs. It makes a huge difference and lets you get into the swing of things."


The Rog Mahal turned 20. This guy talks about it. And it's a nice read.

My memories?

I remember going to this place when I was a kid and being completely overwhelmed. The lights, the sounds and the crazy energy that 50,000 people can create. My parents took my brother and I on a Friday night. People were loaded and rowdy, but it was fun. I was outraged that I wasn't on the Jumbotron and that they kept showing this blond chick. Men were barking. And then my mom explained to me the power that hot chicks have over drunk guys.

I remember standing near the field before an afternoon game, with a pen and a piece of paper. Joe Carter was standing 20 feet away from me. I was a little girl, he would've signed. But I was too shy to ask, so I just stood there until he walked away.

Did Today's Game Suck?

Yes, yes it did. More later.

Cantankerous, Potty-Mouthed Gazelle

Follow the link (it can't be embedded.)

Rios won't sign an autograph and gets bitched out by some guy who now thinks he's hot shit. Says "You should be glad someone asked for you autograph with the way you played today!"

"Who gives a fuck?" says Rios, obviously agitated about something. Maybe going 0-5 with 5 ks earlier. But generally, I think no one comes off very well. It isn't Rios' best moment, but the guy calling him out seems like a bitch trying to be a big man. Or "a fucking idiot", as Alex calls him. Either works.

Thanks, Ian W., via Facebook for pointing it out. Deadspin stole it from DJF who stole it from The Mockingbird . And I am obviously way behind.

Tallet Used to Drink, That Game Made Me Want To

I learn more and more about these boys everyday. Scott Rolen reads. Dick Hayhurst writes. And Brian Tallet used to get shitfaced more often than Parkes and Stoeten put together.

While at LSU, Tallet lost a childhood friend to suicide and had elbow surgery. Depressed, he drank. A ton. And nearly fucked himself. His coach Skip Bertman (a legendary skip actually named Skip) says "He was missing class, he was late to class, he was dogging." Tallet got yelled at for wasting his talent and he went to a counsellor for his issues. And quit drinking "for three months." (Which I guess means he's free to get shitfaced again, just not "excessively." You can vomit, you just can't awake in a pool of vomit.)

Bertman says Tallet's teammates helped him out with his school work, and that it was generally fantastic. “I’m as proud of Brian as I am of any kid I’ve coached because of what he came through and what he has accomplished,” says Bertman.

Random trivia: Tallet became the only active major-league player to have been drafted four times. Also, he's the only player ever to play with wooden legs.

And with that warm note, I want to say that that game yesterday blew. Do not rally to a tie game at home and then fail. Do you boys realize the advantage you have in a tie game at home?

But Adam Lind, Mr 5 for 5, I still love you. Maybe all you boys should gather around Cito.


My favourite talented bonehead was suspended 6 games for throwing a fastball near Nelson Cruz's head in retaliation for Vincente Padilla plunking Teixeira twice. Ever notice how Teixeira puckers up while he's in his stance? Padilla was probably concerned that Teixeira wanted to make out. Vinnie don't play that.

I mention all this because obviously, it's AJ and also the quotes he gave are kinda funny, man.

“That’s a fastball in, man, whether it got knocked down or not. I mean, that’s where it’s going.
Warnings are warnings, man. You’ve still got to go about your business and pitch in, don’t pitch in.”

That shit's deep, man.

Meet Dirk Hayhurst, Pitcher (not Porn Star)

Dirk Hayhurst has been called up. I know, Dirk Hayhurst is a Jay?

Anyway, he seems a bit of a philosopher and a writer. He questions things. He writes books. Books that contain stuff like this:

(Baseball books) are always all these feel-good guidance counselor posters. It's never so-and-so woke up at 5 a.m. to get on a bus for 12 hours that smelled like tobacco spit and urine and you can't lay on the floor, it's sticky, and guys are crawling all over each other because they don't want to step on the guy sleeping across two chairs. Nobody writes about that."

Ah, the aromic combination of tobacco spit and urine. I can't imagine why no one has written about that.

He's also wise: "I'd love to get back there, but if that doesn't happen, I'll keep trying my best until they tell me my best is not good enough. Then I'll go do my best at something else."

Big ups to Tony Ambrogio's Twitter and Las Vegas media in general.

From Here on Out, We're Only Talking to Roy!

Last night, we witnessed a cosmic event. No, not beating the Angels. That was apparent pretty early.

But Roy Halladay did something mystical. 14 strikeouts? 133 pitches? Total dominance interrupted by a random, unexplained blow up?

Roy Halladay became A.J. Burnett.

And he also played shadow puppets with Rod Barajas, which, rumour has it, was A.J.'s second favourite activity. First, of course, was following Roy around like a puppy. Roy was tired of following himself around, so shadow puppets it was. Above, Rod and Roy are making a bird.

Oh and Alex Rios continued to be awesome. And they made Rod Barajas score from first again. Paramedics were standing by.

Suck It Dry

Well, like I've said before, I don't visit SOSH when the Jays lose because idiocy, entitlement and casual racism should never be be mixed with smugness.

But my goodness, that was a boring game. Crash is right, strikeouts are fascist. Fascist and like watching paint dry.

I've long suspected that the Red Sox, with their long at bats and their ugliness, were a dull team to watch. And I was right. And as I suspected. Does Lester blow these umps kisses or something?

And Brian Wolfe? What the hell was that?

Sean McAdam at the Boston Globe : In beating the Toronto Blue Jays yesterday, 8-2, the Red Sox avoided the embarrassment of being swept by a team that had, until recently, lost nine in a row.

Who had been in first place for most of the season until that streak, despite that crazy winning streak the Sox had. So suck it dry.

I love this site for it's simple, understated wisdom and it's obsession with Ted Lilly. Ted Lilly destroyed the periodic table, because Ted Lilly only recognizes the element of surprise.

Disco is dead because Roy Halladay didn't like it.

SOSH is Fun Afterall.

A series win against the bastards who started the 9 game slide is wonderfully cleansing to the system. Rios was 4-4 (and wondering why he can't join in the triple "woohoo" jump.)

SOSH was up to their old tricks...threatened violence, the rage of the entitled, eating of their own, randomly complimentary of Lyle Overbay (one day after saying he had herpes) and thinly veiled racism. However, no one besmirched the good name of Scott Rolen. Rocco Baldelli, however...

Behold the glory:

Will do our best fron within the enemy's house. Jays's fans are insubstantialbly full of themselves. Would be nice to shut their insufferable traps with a resounding ass-kicking.

And what are Sox fans? Substantially full of themselves?

BTW, whose voice is that doing color on NESN?

Rance is disconcerting. And we hear him all the time.

Papi's only home run of the season drove Brett Cecil to the minors. It certainly does drive home the fact that Ortiz can't hit major league pitching anymore.

Ok, giving up 1 home run to a well overdue slugger does not send one to the minors.
I remember when the idea of getting Rocco Baldelli excited me. That was a long time ago.

Asking for a hurting from Ghostrunner.

I was thinking about changing his name to "Loud Outs," but now I'm for certain sticking with "Fat Ass"

Please, his official name is Brad "Greaseball" Penny.

Was Cito Gaston cryogenically frozen after his first stint as Blue Jays manager? You never heard about the guy until he came back, and he looks the same as he did in the early 90s.

The power of awesomeness. And yes, he was.

Well played. I agree...he looks identical to me from the early 90s. He was their hitting coach for years I think but we never heard about him.

It is difficult to hear with your head up your ass.

Penny has gotten a crappy strike zone so far.

A foot outside is only good at Fenway.

I wish we signed Overbay out of Milwaukee... guy would absolutely abuse Fenway.

But you guys said he had herpes yesterday. All I ask for is a little consistency.

Better trade Penny before Chavez's cartel beheads him.

Randomly racist...does he have a cartel cause he is Latino?

Scutaro is the new Catalanotto didn't they both play for the "Italian" national team at the last two WBCs?

I believe that's Frank 'Fucking' Catalanotto to you. And no, they didn't both play for "Italian" national team.

Scutaro is Venezuelan and he represented them in the last WBC. You, sir, are a racist.

Randomly calling another one racist.

That's strange, he looks Italian.

Cause his dad is, moron. South America is as ethnically diverse as anywhere.

Nice at bat you waste of a roster spot. Here's to hoping you break your ankle going down the steps.

Careful, Papi's cartel might behead you. He is Latino, after all.

Nailed Pedroia right on the knee.

The sound on that was something else...but truly, if you had to face him, wouldn't you plunk him too?
even though we have a one run lead, it still feels like we're going to lose this game.

Yes.

In 6 years I can't recall you making a positive comment about this team.

He's just trying to belong!!!

Rios, now hot

He's been dancing on the sand.

Seriously. Enough is enough. It's a disgrace to the fans that we have to put up with this shit on a nightly basis.

Ah, a disgrace to the fans. I think the fans are earning this.

sigh. Is this band of clowns going to beat us again?

Yes.

How the hell is Tallet still in the game after like 50 pitches in the first 2 innings? Brutal job by the offense.

It's the Summer of Tallet!!!!

I've met Castiglione a few times in person. One of the self-important guys I've ever met.

That's major coming from one of these guys.

He's got the occasional tidbit of information, but nothing any radio announcer doesn't get, and he never has any particularly insightful analysis. Right now he's talking about how last year AJ Burnett was "following Halladay around like a puppy dog".

Well, that last bit is true.

Oh we've noticed... Nick Green just doesn't make 9 million dollars a year like H1N1 over there.

So your saying Lugo is a diseased Latino pig? I'm pretty sure he's got a cartel, too.

rocco has no broken bones, only a broke vag

Rocco flew into a wall for you assholes. Show a little respect.

Rios is just murdering us.

While dancing on the sand.

These Jays are outhitting the Sox 13 to 3. They deserve the win.

Yes.

Who knew that letting a Triple-A starter off the hook for the second consecutive night could be so detrimental to winning?

Um, Tallet is out of the pen. He hasn't been in AAA for a while. And again, SUMMER OF TALLET.

Hey, it's renowned douchebag Brandon League! Let's shit on his face. And maybe get a hit or two off him.

Nasty League has shown up, so that's not happening. Splitters for you!!

Brandon League is not a name I would think is attached to an asian looking guy with full tattoo sleeves on both arms.

But he actually does run a cartel, so who knows anything anymore?

Youks not looking too good today.

Ok, he never actually looks good. He usually, however, plays better.

He (League) has his name and number tattooed on his back too.

But he's Asian-looking!!!!

That sort of thing just screams "I am an asshole"..Like he's going to start his own team, the Hawaiian Shirtless Tattouchebags.

I'm pretty sure it's in case he gets lost. Like a "if found, please return" kind of thing.

Downs, huh? Time for the ump to call some strikes on shin high pitches that only go around the plate but not over it.

Yeah, cause between the two closers, it's Downs, not Papelbon, who gets calls.

Papi looks like he's about to cry. He should just do it. Let it all out, big fella.

He realized his fans are dicks.

I hate the Blue Jays.

Feeling is mutual.

Now It's Personal

I was going to do a typical SOSH dissing.

For example, describing Papi's long fly ball in the 1st:

SOSH dickwad: Fuck. I started celebrating. Premature.

Me: That's what your girlfriend says.

But then I saw this particular line of discussion, involving one Scott the Rock Rockin' Rolen.

SOSH Douche: My brother had dinner last week with Rolen and his uncle. Rolen said that Millar constantly talks about Boston and how much he loves the city and playing there. He also said that Clemens was the biggest jerk in baseball. Not much love for Schilling either but not the venom aimed at Clemens. My brother's take was that Rolen was basically going through the motions and taking his @ 12 million a year but not much passion in his voice about the game.



SOSH Douche #2: What? Playing for a mediocre uncompetitive team as a shell of his former self doesn't get him going?


SOSH Douche #1: Right. It was a bit shocking how honest and obvious he was about it. He then added that if someone was stupid enough to pay him another contract after this one, that he would of course take it, but he was also looking forward to spending time with the kids and wasn't sure it was worth it. He has made what upwards of $110 million in his career. Nice to have the option of walking away from a couple of million dollars. There is just something mind boggling to me about this. I guess it is just so far from my reality that I just shake my head.

I think Rolen reads SOSH in the dugout, cause something lit a fire under him to take it to them. And SOSH noticed.

Apathetic RBI double from Rolen there.

Jesus, fucking fork-in-his-back Rolen killing us tonight.

For a guy who doesnt (sic) give a shit, Rolen's having himself a night.

This game is pissing me off.

I'm pretty sure he got into it with Tony LaRussa because his work ethic was questioned.

They also noticed this:
Rolen comes out to Coldplay...

Yeah...

But here is Cito: " They never quit, they played hard every game (in the losing streak) ... someone asked me if I had a meeting, but I didn't because they played hard."

Except Rolen, apparently. Fuck them.

Streaked Out

I haven't visited SOSH yet, but I needed to post this from Te of Inglett, cause this was so damn funny.

"Well, yeah...I am from Boston."

On an episode of "The Bad Girls Club" (which I am so starring in next season), the possible stars were asked "Have you ever participated in a three-way?" and that was one charming lady's answer, like it would be an obvious association. Nice.

So, to the Toronto Blue Jays, I quote the Jigga Man: Go on, brush your shoulders off. And listen to Scott Rolen:

"One year in Philadelphia we won four games in a month so there would have had to have been some bad trips. With St. Louis we went to Chicago and Detroit in 2006. The White Sox beat us in Chicago 20-6, 13-5, and 1-0. In Detroit we lost 10-6, 7-6 in extra extras and 4-1. We lost the next two at home against Cleveland. Inter-league was fun. We still won the World Series that year."

Look, he talks about the World Series and doesn't even remember specifics of the bad road trips. I completely stole that quote from Eyebleaf .


Oh and ever been the last one invited to the party? Yes, Hum and Chuck is (finally) a part of the Score.com's Sports Federation. So visit, tell your friends and click on the ads. I'm also the first woman to do so (which is very cool) so help a sister out, and click on the ads. P.S. click on the ads.

And bring me the head of Tim Wakefield. And click on the ads.

Maybe I'll be able to visit SOSH this weekend.

OMG...make it stop.